The 3rd test report and my intro

Yes, I have been put in charge of the Blog whilst Dave is on holidays.
Rather than be given the keys to the castle, I have instead been given the
key to the back door that gets you into the kitchen and dining room but
doesn't let you upstairs to rifle through the bedrooms and study. In other
words, I can post articles but am not sure how to add fancy links and
pictures. Apologies if my tenure isn't as impressive as normal. I may also
be slightly more Australia focused as well.

Well, where to start ? Firstly, I am sure all and sundry will breathe a
collective sigh of relief to hear that I am finally no longer ill. Yes, my
flu, lung infection, rib tear, etc, etc has healed (the downside is no more
Codeine). My broken heart, first bruised by Harmison, then torn by
Pieterson, crushed by Flintoff and then finally stomped on and destroyed by
S Jones, has not. I am in a state of despair unlike anything since 1985 or
so when Wayne Phillips pulled on the keeping gloves for Australia and
effectively shat all over the entire profession (sorry, Australian focus,
back to neutrality).

I am not trying to play up to my primarily English audience when I saw that
this is the best chance for England to win since 1987. Let's not let truly
heroic efforts by Ponting on the last day cloud our vision of the test.
Again, Australia has been outplayed in most aspects of the Test and the
momentum is firmly with them. Drawing the match gave Australia some time to
recover and a chance to come back though. Let's see what they do with it.

1. Specific Issues

1.1. Coping with the other's attack

Remember in my very first entry I said that this series would be decided on
how each batting attack coped with the other team's bowling ? How true that
is becoming. Again, Australia's batting is struggling. I am getting a
little sick of hearing about how Australia can't play reverse swing. Forget
whether it is reverse swing or not. We are struggling to play swing when it
swings late and could swing either way. In other words, we are struggling
to play good fast bowling. Continually referring to 'reverse' swing making
it sounds like some amazing, newly found secret art. It really isn't, it is
good bowling but the type of bowling many teams had 30 years ago. True,
England are bowling it really, really well but I am disgusted at some of
the attempts of our batsmen.

Hayden is a wonderful example. Flintoff bowled him with a straight one that
pitched outside leg, didn't swing or move off the wicket and hit leg stump.
If you watch a replay of the dismissal, you will see that Hayden played
down the wrong line. He missed the ball by a good 15cm at least. He clearly
was not watching the ball. I know Flintoff bowled a great over of outswing
to him before the straight one but a batsman playing well would have
watched the ball and played it accordingly.

Poor old Katich was another example. He shouldered arms to a ball that
swung in a little. Again, he was foxed by an over that swung away from him
before that one that didn't which he let go. Like Hayden, he was not
watching the ball.

Now I am not saying that playing a late swinging ball at 92 mph is easy. I
am just saying we have not had to face a good attack for a while and have
stopped doing the basics such as concentrating, watching the ball and
building an innings

1.2. Coaching.

Did anyone see the interview conducted in the rain with the Australian
coach John Bucananananananan ? (and Atherton I think it was) This worried
me more than anything. I almost fell off my chair when he explained how
exciting he felt it was being the first Australian team in 16 years in
danger of losing the Ashes. Excited ? Invigorated ? What ? You have to be
kidding surely.

No, John is not kidding. I think this is a great example of why Australia
is where it is in the series. He certainly didn't prepare us so that we
wouldn't be in trouble (building a large box, calling it Merlin 2, and
making it bowl like Flintoff and Harmison would have been a great start)
and he seems to have no plan now that we are. Great that you are excited
though John. And why are we catching so badly ? surely John has to take
some of the heat on this also.

1.3. Replacements

Clearly Gillespie had to go. But who should replace him ? There was a time
not so long ago, when we used to laugh at England when they had to choose
between an un-tried young player and a tried and tested average old player.
England ALWAYS chose the old guy and got average results and then chose the
young guy when he was old. "We would never do that" we said. Well, we have
done it for a few years now and we almost did it before the 4th test, just
after a 24 year old English man with 2 tests under his belt gave himself a
very young looking blue streak through his hair and made us look very aged
indeed.

So, the old Kasper or the young, untried Tait ? At first, I said Kasper as
I was scared of losing. But if we don't take a chance now, we may not lose
this test but we are only putting off the inevitable and making it worse
when it comes. The sooner we get young blood in, the sooner they get good
and the sooner we are re-built and playing well again. So, if we are going
to go down, let's go down aggressively swinging. Tait for me.

And thus it was. Tait is in. So, what is he like you ask ? I have never
seen him but I have read about him. He is quick, swings it both ways and
late. Sounds excellent doesn't he ? Well, he also bowls a few terrible
balls an over and had to leave Durham early last season due to a no ball
problem. Let's watch and see !

2. Team Reviews

Player by player

Australia

Langer

Still looking OK but needs to go on with a few innings now.

Hayden

Gee wizz Matty is batting terribly. He seems finished. I referred to him
previously but let me briefly re-cap. He has belted everyone for a few
years and is now up against a good bowling attack and can no longer do it.

Let's drop him. Forget his century against the county side they played a
few days ago. The England test bowlers weren't in it !

Ponting

Fantastic second innings. He did owe us though. His captaincy fell apart in
England's second innings and the Ashes looks like they had slipped away.
Also, had not played a major innings this series.

Continues to struggle early more in this series than I have ever seen. Is
getting either too squared up or failing too far across his pads. England
has to watch that they don't just keep trying to get him leg before with
the full one though. They are being a little too obvious with that.

Raised the white flag when he bowled Katich.

Martyn

Lazy. Just lazy. batting that is.

Not so lazy about lovin' though. Page 20 of this month's New Idea magazine
screams "Exclusive : Cricket's new LOVE RAT". Force to cancel her wedding
after cricketer Damien Martyn's cheating, Helen has sympathy for Simone
Warne". We all do love, we all do. Reputable journalism clearly. I love the
part where she puts the boot into him by reading out some of his old texts
to her. "Darling Heart, I love you so much. You are my life and I'm so
proud to be with you and one day be your husband". Not that proud clearly.
She goes onto explain where he got this habit. "He really looked up to
David Beckham and saw himself as Australia's equivalent". There are so many
things to pick on there, I will just let it go.

The dressing room must be hell for him. No wonder he seems distracted.

Clarke

When a 24 year old ruins his back for 3 days after throwing a ball 5 metres
gently, there is trouble. He needs to keep doing his back exercises or he
won't be able to play for more than another 2 years. Has obviously
slackened off since he got on tour and his back has acted up 3 times so
far. Being a professional sportsman, on the road for 10 months of the year
is not the same as going out and batting every Saturday. He needs to be
disciplined on and off the field if he wants to be successful.

Katich

After being our best batsman at Lords, is failing to live up to the hope.
Is a real shuffler at the crease and consequently is struggling against the
swing. Could well be showing the type of results that he would have if he
played in the 80s against bowling attacks that were good.

Just remember I said that if he bowls lots, then the Ashes were lost.
Desperate move Ricky, desperate move.

Gilchrist

After I have given G Jones hell for 2 tests (and rightly so), I have to
acknowledge the opposite. Gilchrist had a complete shocker with the gloves.
Dropped catches and missed stumpings and we seemed to have slipped back to
the Gilchrist of a couple of years ago (he and a small, 19 year old Indian
keeper put on a spectacular "Race to the bottom" show the last time
Australia was in India a couple of years ago that had Australian keepers,
present and retired, lining up to write articles in newspapers and appear
on little known TV shows).

And what of his legendary, match winning batting. This series, and for a
while to be truthful, Gilly has become what I call a slogger (my Dad calls
it a Bash Artist, you can take your pick). He seems to have forgotten the
golden rule of test batting that he always used to preach : just spend the
first 20 balls not getting out. In this series, usually after 20 balls if
he isn't already out, he is on 23, has been dropped 3 times and gets out
soon after. Needs to do better

Warne

A Marvel. His 90 in the first innings showed great courage and thought, 2
things that I think he has failed to show in his batting for far too long.
contributed a valuable 30 odd in the second innings also. He made me look a
fortune teller after Warne was on 90 and I texted Dave telling him he would
do something silly and blow his hundred. The next ball he holed out weakly.
Can I see the future ? No, I have just seen him bat a bit !

Continues to bowl wonderfully. Is truly carrying this Australian team and
trying to single handedly win the series.

Finally, watch how he carries on in the field. He does all of the personal
interaction that you would expect the captain to do. He is a leader and it
comes naturally. I think he should be captain instead of Ponting. Would
need to stop sh*gging everything that moves before that was considered
though (although, maybe not. Maybe we should have a people's captain !).

Lee

Continues to dig in with his batting. Bowling well about 60% of the time.
Much better than his last Ashes series but needs to push up the consistency
to really help his team.

Gillespie

Oh dear, what is the matter with Jason ? He has gone from Australia's most
dangerous bowler with 260 test wickets to out of the test team in a pretty
short period. Will struggle to get back in the team now as we MUST re-build
after this series. Ponting uses him for 3 overs in the second innings and
he may has well trudged off the field, jumped in a cab and asked to go
straight to the airport as that is a pretty clear message.

McGrath

Ooooh Arhhhh, Glen McGrath. Ooh Arh indeed after bowling 78mph most of this
test. Still incredibly accurate but he isn’t going to worry to many people
bowling that slowly. Still holding our quicks together though.

Scarily, has now injured his elbow. Not playing football in training again
surely ?

England

Trescothick

Could I be warming to Marcus or are we just bowling badly to him ? maybe
both. Not getting as many edges early this series and proving to be more of
an obstacle than I thought he would be. credit to him.

Strauss

Did play a good innings in the second dig. Seems to be coming into some
form. I don't care, I am STILL not convinced about Straussy. Is always too
square (watch his back foot point to cover on every shot). This makes him
susceptible to movement off the pitch and makes it hard for him to play on
the off side. He is square on because he clearly loves the pull shot (I
watched him play lots of them against South Africa). Needs to get side on
if we wants to continue his test career in the same way he started it.
Still, looking much better than at the start of the series.

Vaughan

Ominous, very ominous. 166 was a tremendous innings but I did end up in the
fetal position on the floor with memories of all the hundreds he scored
against us 2 years ago. Played all his shots and looks his best when
playing back foot cover drives (and he played many in this innings).

Yes, I know he needs to score a 200 and he must have cried when he watched
his dismissal on TV.

I, for one, thought he declared at the perfect time in the second innings.
Well done.

Bell

Improving. This series is making him, not breaking him. A tremendous catch
to remove Langer and that shows a man with confidence and concentration
working well. Batting a little more freely now as he looked like the
proverbial deer in headlights in the first 2 tests.

Pietersen

Kevin, my boy, this game is about thinking, not just about bashing.

I really believe this guy can do anything but he needs to keep his ego in
check and think about his game a little. The way he got out in the first
innings was terrible. He was starting to kill us again and then played a
silly shot and was finished. Needs to remember how he got runs at Lords: by
building an innings and playing sensible shots until he needed to bash and
then he took us apart. He won't do himself or his team justice unless he
does the same again.

But but but ..... What is with his catching ? Still has not taken a catch
in his test career and really should have taken that one on the last day.

Flintoff

This guy, wow. The pick of the bowlers in the entire series, across both
teams. Simply never bowls a bad spell, ever. Has the measure of most
batsmen and is himself batting well now after a terrible start at Lords. I
can't say anything that hasn't been said. When the series is over will
either be the person that won the Ashes or the person that almost did. The
most important guy on either side.

G Jones

Terrible, I hate him, drop him.

Some awful technical mistakes. The missed stumping off Giles was a classic.
Was too far behind the stumps, wrong footed and over balanced past the
stumps after he dropped the ball. Basically just seemed to presume the
batsman would hit it and stop watching the ball and getting into position.
A classic, but unforgivable at this level, mistake.

Still, Gilchrist might have had him beat for awfulness in this test.

Giles

Much more a part of the team than I ever thought he would be. Sure, he is
no Tuffers (please read the Tuffers, autobiography by the way. The most
honest autobiography ever written and the 4 in a bed with him a 3 ladies
from Perth, Australia is one of many candid highlights).

Wasn't impressed on the last day though. Should have played more of a part.

Hoggard

Still the weakest of the England quicks. Really needs a haircut as he looks
like a West Country farmer. Look what happens to quicks with bad hair but
Matthew (see Jason Gillespie).

Harmison

Still a little quiet but not bowling badly. England need him to re-discover
the form of the first morning at Lords. What did Vaughan do to him that
morning ? Do it again Mikey

S Jones

Really starting to bowl well in this test. I think Australia knew they had
to be worried about Harmison and knew Flintoff would be tough. I am not
sure we counted on 3 guys that bowled quickly and good though. Having Jones
bowling well has been a big factor in mentally intimidating Australia.
There is no let up in the attack now.

3. Final

The beard had to go. I pretended to myself that a draw was as good as a win
as I had to go to work the next day and needed to look like I hadn't been
asleep on the sofa for a week.

Last point. My 91 year old Grandmother told me on Monday night that she
thought the England attack looked good and it would be good for cricket if
England won the series. True, she votes conservative, looks a little like
the Queen, argues with me when I mention a Republic and is was 1 of only 2
of 18 brothers and sisters that weren't born in England but she does make
an interesting point. I have been amazed how many people have said
basically the same thing to me in the last few weeks (about it being good
if England won, rather than the monarchist stuff). Usually, reserve those
sentiments for public displays of false humility when we are winning a
series 2-0 but this time I think people really mean it. Lots and lots of
people are sick of seeing Australia kick weak teams around the park and
carrying on like they have beaten Clive Lloyd's boys. OK, so we aren't so
sure we want it to be England that beats us but everyone is acknowledging
that we are playing a good team.

What a series. Bring on the next test !