To be Australian.. Stewart Robertson


Greatness on the wane or greatness on the rise or greatness never really there ?

1. You are killing us

Cricket is a wonderful, wonderful game. I cannot remember a time in my life when I have not been obsessed with it. Literally from the first memory I have, I remember loving cricket and desperately wanting to play it. I still can’t really put my finger on why. Sure, maybe it was the lure of large moustachioed, beer drinking men being feted as athletes and national heroes (doubtful as I loved it before I was 2). Perhaps it was any young child’s natural interest in a moving ball and the skill it required to master (again doubtful, that makes me sound like a cat). Instead, I think that I just inherently understood that cricket, more than almost any other sport, shows a man’s character, what he is made of in the toughest of circumstances.

Cricket is a true endurance sport. Doubters, hear me out. Aside from ultra marathons and multi-stage cycling racers, there is no sport than goes longer than Test cricket. I would go a step further. A 5 test series with a maximum of 25 days play for the series has even the tour de France beaten. Now add in all of the lead up matches, silly ones dayers and tour games with provincial sides. Finally, add all of the days in between, throw in training, and you soon have a campaign (and it surely is a campaign) that can last up to 80 days on an Ashes series in England.

A campaign of what ? Well, certainly of the body. People used to 90 minute games such as football that involve running flat out for most of the time would dispute that of course as would rugby union or rugby league players. Lance Armstrong might have a little to say also. However, I challenge anyone to bowl 30 overs in each innings of a test and tell me they still feel fine. Try batting for 6 hours. Heck, try batting for 3 hours in 30C heat. And, no one can tell me that wicket keeping for 3 days and batting for over a day in the same match (as Gilchrist often did before this series) wouldn’t leave most people unable to walk for a week. No, playing in a single test match requires a very fit, strong person. Remaining at that level for our 80 day campaign requires fitness, luck and a really good physio.

What about the mind ? Well, the old adage of cricket being played 90% in the mind is still true in this day of blue hair streaks, earrings in both ears and random, drunken text messaging. No matter how hard you have trained or how many times you have rehearsed in your dreams, nothing is harder than having to go out and do it. So many times you see the young man, new to the team without yet having a mental log book of failures and climbs back to the top, playing fluently and easily whilst the old campaigner, nearing the end of a career to be proud of, worries about where his next run or wicket is going to come from.

Why ? Not because the young player is better. In fact, usually the older player is better practised and has been through any situation that might occur many times. Surely they are playing softer against the young man ? No, the young man’s mind is free and he spends time playing the moment only; the older player is often playing the past and the future.

Think also of a batsman out of form. So often, they just need one good shot, one ball right out of the middle and everything changes. Suddenly the feet move, the head position is right and the runs, previously impossible, start coming in thick, fast torrents. Did the batsman get better in a
single ball ? Of course not. This is an incredibly mental game.

However, ….

When the body is tired and the mind full of fears and worry, the only thing that is left is the soul. At the end of an 80 day campaign like this, a man’s character, his real character, the man he is late at night when he can’t sleep and the whole façade has slipped quietly away, shows, in fact shines, through. What is revealed is not always pretty. Hurl in an expected turn of events, slap on some pressure and add a dollop of intense scrutiny and the angel can become the devil in a twinkling of Geoffrey Boycott’s eye.

We Australians, if you haven’t already noticed, pride ourselves on our physicality. We see ourselves as coming from tough, farming stock that made good in a land that simply wasn’t, and still isn’t in some places, fit for the survival of Europeans. But we tamed it through muscle and bone and ever year that we outlast another 4 months of fires threatening our homes or tick off another decade that it hasn’t rained, we tell ourselves that we are strong and just getting stronger.

The mind ? We used to be a little anxious about the mind side. We were so caught up in trying to be physically strong that sometimes we paid little heed to the brain. Yes, Barry McKenzie, Paul Hogan and that guy in shorts that says ‘crickey’ all the time aren’t exactly great role models. But our schools are good, our universities also, and most people are as well educated as any otherwestern country. Combine that with the feeling that we always were smarter than you gave us credit for and we are a group of people that are almost aggressively intelligent; not smarter than all, just as smart but usually more prepared to try to prove it.

Character ? Australians think they have character in spades. We think when it comes to the crunch, when it really, really matters, we will be standing up to be counted when no one else will, whatever the circumstances.

Australian became a nation in 1901. Before that, we were a group of colonies with totally different systems of everything; you even needed to changes trains going over state lines as the railways tracks were different sizes (umm, still do in some places I think). By 1914, we were really still a group of colonies, a nation in name only. We came back from the war a country.

During the war, the ‘legend of the Anzac’ (Australian New Zealand Army Corps) was born. I am a little jaded and cynical about it but long story short is that a group of Australian and New Zealand soldiers were landed on the wrong beach in Turkey named Gallipoli (by an English general we keep reminding anyone that will listen). Huge losses were incurred initially and then the soldiers settled in for a war of attrition that lasted something like 8 months. Against all the odds, they lasted and finally retreated in cunning plan that Baldric from Blackadder would have been proud of. When questioned, they did it because they had to and they did it for each other.

The story of the Australian underdog prevailing in even the most dire circumstances was created in the war; the underdog that came good, that toughed it out, that did it for their mates. Remember, Gallipoli was not a famous victory. It was a debacle from start to finish and we were decimated. Yet we celebrate it over all other achievements, more than famous war battles that we prevailed in (we were in Boer, WW1, WW2, Korea, Vietnam to name a few). Gallipoli is literally scared ground and each Australian feels that they must make a journey to Gallipoli once before they die (ask any that you know, they have been, are planning a trip or want to go desperately). It is celebrated because men showed character there because they had it and they were forced to, nothing more.

This concept pervades Australian society. We have little time for anyone that doesn’t show these characteristics, at work or play. ‘Little Aussie battler’ is a common, if a little old fashioned phrase that is used to praise someone for trying, for toughing it out; we care how hard and for how long a man tries, rather than how much he succeeds. Politicians talk about ‘representing the battlers’ all the time; it is a sure winner in an election year. Our current right wing, conservative Prime Minister has some how managed to convince the voters that he is ‘in it for the battlers’ and we just can’t get rid of him as a result. Well healed middle class people pretend themselves ‘battlers’ to their less well off friends as one does not want to succeed, just to succeed in trying to succeed.

So, wonder why we are a nation that adores cricket ? Wonder why I loved it so much from such a young age ? Wonder why I said very early in this series that Steve Waugh was more than just a good cricketer to us, he WAS us ? Because cricket allows us to compete in a sport that tests the very things were feel define us.

When Steve played well felt we, not just ourselves but the entire nation and even the entire concept of our nation and our society, were going well.

Consequently, we place our cricketers on a pedestal. They play for us, our nation and our way of life. We expect them to define our values in a way that is probably a little unfair.

This is why I, like so many of my countrymen, am so, so disappointed with Australia’s display in this series. That is also why you will still find many Australians saying only how bad we played rather than how well England have performed. We have failed to show character and failed to come good when the chips were down. We can’t believe it, we can’t understand it. They must be cheating; we just must be playing badly.

We may not take this series loss well you know (at the very least, it will be a drawn series in which everyone knows you have outplayed us). I just ask you to cut us a little slack. By all means celebrate, by all means rub it in (you have waited a long time and we would do the same to you). Just when we are a bit sullen and cranky and say silly things, just remember why. We don’t really mean it and we do all know you deserve to win. You have, after all, destroyed our entire self image.

Note, I expect this information to make you happy rather than upset for us. Many of my countrymen have gloated over our cricket team for a long time and probably deserve what is coming.

2. Ricky Ponting and his foul, foul potty mouth.

Ricky has made the ultimate error in the Australian public’s eyes : he whinged. Yes, gets back to character again. Someone with a steely Australian character is never meant to whinge or complain. They are meant to get straight back on the horse and carry on trying to break it (is it a wonder why Australia youth suicide is so high, especially in country areas ?).

I hate to keep congratulating myself but remember when we talked about the difference between being a good technician, a good manager and a good leader ? Gee Wizz, if Ricky hasn’t just gone and proved me right again.

A good technician does his job well but doesn’t really hide or changes his emotions. No need on the shop floor. A manager does a little but not too much. It doesn’t matter so much if the team think you are disengaged as long as you keep feeding them the work in an orderly fashion, the technicians will keep enjoying doing the technical work.

A leader does not have this luxury. A leader leads. A leader sets an example and helps others reach that example. Simple concept, really hard to do. A leader must never totally lose his head and act irrationally and immaturely.

Ricky acted like a good, young technician; too young to understand why acting like that it has a negative effect on others and too arrogant about his technical ability to care. You would never have seen Mark Taylor swearing at Duncan Fletcher, let alone in front of a crowd of men, women and children of all ages. A lip reader at work told me that the ‘C’ word got a liberal run in the tirade. Charming. Nasser Hussein lead a team to Australian in 2002/2003 that spent all but the last 6 days of the series being hammered like a school boy team. Every evening Nasser arrived at the press conference and spent the entire time being run down, made fun of and denigrated. I was never a huge fan of the Nass but he sure showed character (I never forgave him for making 200 in the first test at Edgbaston in 1997 and helping England win a test that I sat in the stands for every ball of, alone and taking a battering from 20,000 English fans the entire time. The grandfather that keep elbowing me hard every time England did something good on the final day was almost more than I could bear).

If there was any better example of why Ricky is not captaincy material than I can’t find it. I said that an 80 day campaign could wear you down and expose your true character. I have seen into Ricky’s secret self and I don’t like what I saw. Perhaps if he ran the single hard (where is the good technician side when we need him) there would have been no need for public tantrums. This was of course bad but it continues. Each day since, Ricky keeps telling people how he doesn’t like England using a great fielder as a sub rather than the 12th man (who is the 12th man by the way, I honestly don’t know). Who cares ? Why is Ricky so caught up with minor things, we have a series to win ? A leader would help him understand the need to concentrate on the big picture.

I actually agree with Ricky. I think it is stretching the rule too far. If you have used the 12th man and someone else is legitimately injured then by all means use a sub from a county side. But use the 12th man first or pick ‘the best fielder in England’, Trevor ‘old man’ Penny, as the 12th man. We used to do this in the 80s and 90s as lots of other teams did (think Mike Veletta for Australia and Gus Logie and Roger Harper for the Windies).

But Ricky, Ricky we are in no position to complain about stretching the rules. Remember a few years ago when Mark Taylor was captain and it was unofficial Australian policy to start saying “Chooo Chooo” when the bowler turned at his mark, every time Chris Cairns was on strike. Remember how they slips cordon and gully and point all keep whispering “Choo Choo, chug a lugga chug a lugga choo choo” louder and louder until the bowler delivered the ball. Remember how you did that because Steve Waugh had the bright idea that just because Chris Cairns’s sister died in a train accident 12 months before, the NZ danger man might be a little put off Remember how Chris kept pulling away from the wicket in tears ? Remember how he didn’t play Test cricket for a year after that ? Remember how he was so disgusted that he broke the golden rule of ‘what happens on the field stays on the field’ and talked.

Where were you fielding that day Ricky ? Was that pushing the rules a little too far ? Probably. Probably makes the dodgy use of substitute fielders make a little tame by comparison.

Yep, the wheels of the bus were going round and round, round and round, round and round, the wheels on the bus were going round and round all day long. But they have now well and truly come off and the bus seems all but stationary to me; except for a barely visible, but increasing obviously slide down the hill.

3. The game itself

Its all been said really.

Great century from Flintoff, great bowling from S Jones and wonderful heart shown from Warne in bowling as well as with the bat. Hoggard bowled well for the first time in the series also (I bag Trescothick and he gets runs, I outline Strauss’s flaws and he gets 100, I say Hoggard is weak and he gets wickets. Perhaps I am to blame).

One small, interesting thing to note. England has killed Australia for the last 3 tests but has really struggled to finish each of them off. They really should have lost the second test in the end(after outplaying us the whole way), they drew the third test but should have won and should have easily won the 4th but almost lost. For England to have a long run at the top, they need to learn the final piece, the killer instinct, the winner’s touch. If they win the Ashes after this series, I can’t see how they won’t have it.

4. Possible changes.

4.1. Australia

Hayden must go. Still looks awful. I am not sure we will do it though. I would love to see Martyn go also. We shouldn’t remove too many before the last test so I doubt this will happen.

I am also not convinced that Lee and Tait in the same team are ideal. We leak too many runs. Kasper has not done much so I wouldn’t have him in either. McGrath also looks to be about to return. We have heard some talk about Australia playing 5 bowlers and needing an all rounder. How the worm turns. This sort of copying used to be beyond us. No more seemingly. We don’t need to include Watson simply because England have Flintoff (Watson neither bats nor bowls well enough to hold a place in the team for either discipline alone, a key all rounder ingrediant) and we don’t need 5 bowlers just because England have them. Lets go with our tried and tested formula of 6 batsmen, Gilchrist and 4 bowlers but lets just have the most effective
combination on the park.

So, bold move time. Drop Hayden and bring in Mike Hussey. He should have been in the squad anyway, crazy move not to include him, foreshadowed a raft of crazy decisions. Also sets up Australia to bring in the other Hussey brother and have brothers in the team again. We are always best when we have brothers in the test line up. From the golden Benaud days, to the tri-Chappell reign, to the recent Waugh twins, we are always at our best when brothers are there (brothers with 70s handle bar moustaches would see us rule the cricketing world again).

Drop Kasper for the returning McGrath and …….. drop Tait for McGill. England play our quicks easily but don’t play Warne well and I suspect McGill would get wickets as well. It’s a gamble because he can really go for some runs but he turns it more than Warnie and has more variations than Warnie these days. Lets stack all the chips on Red, a bold move for an extraordinary end to an extraordinary series (and because I want Dave to have an excuse to tell everyone about the day McGill drove the team bus, when it still had the wheels on it).

4.2. England

Surely you will sack G Jones now. Surely ? Dave tells me no but I suspect he says that to wind me up ! He misses a least 2 chances a test, chances that are either school boy misses or chances that must be taken at this level (the stumping miss of Clarke off Giles was really an incredible one for a test keeper). I know he scored 85 this test but surely you understand his keeping is going to lose you a game at some stage this series (probably already made you draw the 3rd test).

Looks like S Jones will be out with an ankle injury for the last test. A real shame as he has been on fire this series, especially the last two tests. He deserved to play in the test and give himself a chance of being on the field if the Ashes are reclaimed.

It is a tribute to England this series that I couldn’t even tell you who the England 12th man is or who might play if S Jones doesn’t. Can someone help me ?

5. Player run downs.

I think I will skip this section in this report. Instead, I will store it up and use it for my “Who has enhanced their reputation, done nothing to their reputation and ruined their reputation” section after the final test of the series.

6. Greatness

This is a GREAT Australian team full of GREAT players doing GREAT things.

Or is it ?

I think when the word ‘great’ is used in relation to cricketers, we really mean ‘full of character’ and when Australians use it about Australian cricketers, we really mean ‘full of Australian character, fighting like a little Aussie battler Anzac’. Don’t make me run you through the national subconscious again please.

I put it to you that this Australian team does have great players. Players that would stack up against any that ever played the game in terms of physical deeds and mental ability, players that stood up when their team mates needed them to save the day.

Yes, this Australian side has great players. They are either 35 or 36, they are both bowlers and they are both about to retire.

Warne and McGrath are greats. The rest are either very good players or quite good players playing in a weak era.

Greatness is Allan Border saving a test against a top class Windies bowling attack in the Windies in 1984 with 98 not out and 100 not out.

Greatness is Steve Waugh scoring 200 against the Windies in the Windies to take the series and the mantle of number 1 test team in1995.

Greatness is Dean Jones scoring 210 in the tied 1986 test in Madras, toughing out on field temperatures of over 50C (really), with cramps, whilst vomiting and having toilet stops in his trousers and then being shipped to hospital half dead after having lost 8 kilos in a day

Greatness is NOT 380 against Zimbabwe

Greatness is NOT taking 3/30 in a meaningless one day match somewhere that no one can remember.

Greatness is NOT scoring a century on home soil against New Zealand

Greatness is rising up and dragging your team to victory in the final test of a hard fought series where you have been outplayed, when the wheels are off, the captain is foaming at the mouth and with all seemingly lost. Greatness is doing that because you can and because you have people counting on you; because you have to. Greatness is doing it now, not having done it then. Greatness is earned and re-earned, not remembered and hoped for.

This final test will make reputations that will never fade. Legends will be born or shattered.

Cometh the hour, cometh the man. The hour is upon us, the end is nigh. This series is worthy of the grandest finale imaginable; it is truly, truly great.

Let's see who in this Australian team is truly great also.





Let the rain hold off !