Its worth the wait, here is Stewart's end of series summary:

It was 3am. I woke with a start and sat bolt upright. The back of my head felt cold. I grabbed it and my hand came away wet. My chest felt the same. A quick inspection inadvertently coated my hand in sweat. I allowed myself a Dennis Lillee flick of the forefinger to remove some. Had 70s cricket really reached that far into my being ?

I was cold all over. My pillow and the right side of my face were sopping wet, a combination of sweat, tears and saliva. I must have been dreaming.

In the distance I heard a car alarm, no, my alarm clock.

Whatever I was dreaming about had left me exhausted. My chest felt tight, nervous, worried.

A second later, the clock radio turned itself on.

I was awake.

Oh God, the Ashes.

It all flooded back.

*
I remembered the optimism of the morning and the majesty of Warne’s bowling. McGrath had taken a hat trick, removing the danger man Pieterson with the last ball of the three. Warne and McGrath had lead one final wondrous recovery from near disaster, pushing each other to further greatness with a bravely emotional, loving embrace as they walked onto the field. There were only two players as the team entered the arena that morning, two superstars with a faceless supporting cast. They wouldn’t let us down. I no longer wanted to be diplomatic, no longer wanted to acknowledge the other team’s good play. For an hour, I was another Ugly Australian, yelling at my TV and imploring my team to crush the other to make me feel good. We were on top again and I loved it. Across the country, the same scene played out across millions of households.

Then the dream crumbled.

Pieterson had taken McGrath’s hat trick ball on the shoulder, not the glove. Gilchrist had dropped Pieterson with a batsman’s keeping technique. The great warship, HMAS Australian Cricket, finally ran aground with Warne’s dropped dolly.

“Have we dropped the Ashes ?”, I had texted Dave.

“Hard to tell, long way to go”, had come his testy, nervous reply. I felt for Dave and Warne. Both had tried their guts out this series and both wanted it bad. Only one would prevail.

I had watched Ponting allow Lee to bowl England to the brink of victory. Pieterson had shown me some strokes that were as amazing as Ponting’s captaincy was quizzical. Steve Waugh would never have approved of smiling at the other team. He surely dropped dead at the sight of Ricky moving the field every second ball and listening to the 3 and 4 teammates gathered around him between overs, offering advice on how to run the team. I almost had.

All of that was a distant memory now. I had been asleep for over two hours. Anything could have happened. Surely we had won by now. Sleeping usually made scary monsters go away. I was ugly again.

*
I rushed the TV, fumbled for the remote and made it come alive. I saw covers on the middle of the pitch.

My heart sunk. They don’t cover a pitch at the end of the game.

Mark Nicholas sounded happy; joyous probably. The crowd were cheering. My heart sank further.

I remembered, earlier in the day, telling an English friend of mine, Andy, that I had calculated that he would be able to open the champagne at about 3am to celebrate an English series win. My phone glowed with a text from him.

“It happened almost exactly as you said it would”.

My heart hit bottom and bounced. My eyes filled. I knew I was being silly but I didn’t care. I couldn’t stop myself. For a second or two, I sobbed.

The phone wasn’t finished yet. Another text, this one from Dave.

“Sorry, Stewart but this is one of the greatest days of my life”.

Tough times in sport show character in the participants. Passionately barracking against true friends, whilst strengthening the friendship, does the same. It felt good that I could still feel good for my friends. I knew that this would make Dave and Andy happy. I valued their happiness. My spirits rose a little.

With almost no warning, the umpires began the walk from the grandstand, out, onto the ground. They were slow, ceremonial. I wasn’t sure what they were doing and I sure wasn’t listening to the commentary.

Their feet touched the grass and the crowd roared the roar of victors.

They seemed to slow down even more as they reached the middle. Savouring the moment no doubt, probably doing their best to add a little to the theatre of the occasion. They were dressed for the occasion in black and white dinner suits. Tuxedos with sneakers.

The camera angle changed. It seemed to be one of those hip mounted live action cameras. It reminded me of the Rugby World cup final. I ignored the irony.

The cameraman walked close behind the umpire and focused sharply on his hand as it reached down to remove the bails from the stumps at one end.

'AND ENGLAND”,

Boomed Michael Atherton, through a smile so bright that I could hear it,

“HAVE REGAINED THE ASHES”.

The bails were lifted and the stumps pulled out. Just like that, the series I had waited over two years for, the series that had generated more talk, more emails, more text messages, more conversation and more human interaction than I ever thought possible, had ended. The result I had been predicting for weeks had occurred. After all of my own build up, I wasn’t ready for it. I felt tired and deeply, deeply disappointed.

Funny, I have a picture perfect recollection of those final seconds of the series. One hand gently raising both bails, slowly and deliberately. I have little memory of what I did for the next hour and a half. No doubt I watched the English celebrations and texted Dave and Andy. I tried to remember what I was doing when England last won. I was not yet 13. I was now 31. It was a lifetime away. I felt old and depressed. My life had changed so much and yet so little.

Somehow, I ended up back in bed sometime after 4am. I dropped off about 5am after I finally got fed up with the birds heralding an English victory and popped in earplugs. I pulled the covers over my eyes to block out the freshly risen sun and crammed in 90 minutes of fitful sleep.

The alarm clock radio woke me up in what seemed like, well, close to 90 minutes. Instantly someone, Bumble or Agnew, I forget which, was interviewing Flintoff in the English dressing room. My mind reeled. Surely I was dreaming. I wasn’t.

I had been woken up with a passionate Flintoff relaying how it felt to have regained the Ashes. Less than ideal in the circumstances.

I felt fuzzy and disorientated, a hangover with no drinking. It seemed as if I had been inside for days, a week since I had been at work. I must have shaved, showered and dressed. Why had Freddie felt the need to make sure he woke me up personally ?

Down the stairs I floated, through the front door and out into the light. It was too bright to be respectful. I drove in a haze to the station. A few minutes later I was standing on the platform; normal spot, normal time, abnormal morning.

Part of me was angry that the other hundreds of commuters seemed like they had slept a full 8 hours, with not a care in the world. Why had the entire place not stopped, why was everyone else not feeling the same pain that I felt ? I wanted to grab people and shake the apathy out of them, one by one.

The other part of me was embarrassed that I was thinking like child. “Its just a few games of cricket”, I repeated silently to myself. “Surely you don’t still take it that seriously at your age” I cursed. Worse still, deep down I was ashamed that the last time I had felt quite like this, like the world should stop turning out of respect, was the morning after my grandfather had died and like the overly dramatic 17 year old that I was, and still am in lots of ways, mused that perhaps the sun shouldn’t have risen that awful morning. I hoped the lack of sleep was making me overly emotional. I still hope so.

*

The train stopped, I pushed my way in and it set off towards my work and my responsibilities for the day; responsibilities in a world where Australia was the second best cricket team in the world and we no longer held the Ashes.

My country and my people seemed very small all of a sudden.

*

The company I work for is not good at systems or process. Instead, it relies on people to overcome most things. Our people are important and it is important to keep them happy. One way we do this it to have a raised table in the kitchen area that is stocked every day with at least 3 different newspapers. People can often be found glancing at them for a few seconds before their meeting room is ready for them.

A few days before the final test started, I walked past the newspapers and saw a guy reading the sports pages; cricket of course. I had never spoken to him before, never really seen him before actually. I decided to spend the few days before the test started trying to understand how people felt about the impending loss. If nothing else, it might be good for Dave’s Blog.

I approached the newspaper reader, peered over his shoulder and said

“We are in trouble I think”.

Well, off he went. He had many opinions, not all of which I agreed with but all I which I was excited about. A total stranger felt so strongly about this series that he and I talked like old friends. I never asked his name and I have seen him since but neither has the acknowledged the other. We have no need to. Cricket bonded us briefly. The series over, the bond is broken.

Andy Richmond, of the 3am text message fame, was experiencing the Ashes a little differently. Andy has been in Australian for 5 years or so now. He has an Australian wife and an Australian child (almost 2 by now I think). He enjoys living in Australia but, understandably, remains passionately English in many respects. He is the only person I know who would move to Melbourne and declare that he loved it because, “It has real cold, just like home. I even get to wear big heavy jackets”

Everyone he comes into contact with loves Andy. His happy, outgoing personality lets him get away with all manner of things that most other people would pay dearly for. So, when Andy told me that he had 3 cases of beer riding on the result of this series in multiple bets with multiple people from work, I could imagine the grief he was giving out, and no doubt receiving, during the final days. Andy’s build up to the final test was intense. He was outwardly confident but inwardly hoping like hell that his team won because he knew that weeks of jokes lay ahead of him if they didn’t. Andy was a crash or crash through sort of guy. He was hoping not to crash.

Damien, Damo, Hocking, was having a similar, yet different experience to Andy. Damo was a gifted cricketer. I played half a season with him and couldn’t understand why the team kept calling him “The Wizz”. Then I kept to him.

Damo had arrived at the ground “A little under the weather”. The true distance below the weather is best not described here. It suffices to say that a very grey looking Damo was made to take the new ball into the wind in 41C heat as penance for not arriving in top fitness. He bowled 9 overs of pace, moving the ball late in the air both ways at will, bowling bouncers and cutting the ball in and out, all without really opening his eyes fully or waking up. He had 3 for not many by the time he started vomiting at the beginning of his run up and the captain finally thought he had learnt his lesson. I later batted with him and his technique was straight out of the cricket academy.

“The Wizz” of course stood for “The Wizard” and a wizard he was. Could have worked a little on his out of match lifestyle though.

In the week leading up to the final test, Damo was living in London. Another “just going for 3 weeks this time” had of course turned into a few contracts and a year quickly being mapped out. In a cruel twist of fate, Damo had just started a contact with Channel 4. In true Damo fashion, he had easily gotten into the swing of things, ending every email sentence with “cause I’m in Telly now”.

Like Andy, Damo is well liked by everyone who meets him. Like Andy, Damo was living in opposition turf. Like Andy, Damo had of course been giving as good as he got.

“We had better win otherwise I will be the butt of jokes for weeks to come”.

Unlike Andy, he was at the wrong end of the result and is finding life a little difficult at the moment.

Crash or crash through is usually only advisable if you can count on crashing through. Damo crashed. Andy crashed though. All depends on your point of view I guess.

*

Generally people in Australia seemed to be prepared for a series loss. We had been outplayed and no one really thought we deserved to win. Not everyone was going to accept the loss the same way though.

In those final, optimistic days, people broke into 3 camps. First, the small group that hated everyone for seeming to will the old enemy to victory. Second, the “It will be good for cricket” group. Thirdly and lastly, The Blamers. This last group knew we were going to lose but wanted someone, anyone, to blame.

My mate Alex’s Dad David seemed to be firmly in the first camp. A few of us exchanged emails and most, especially Jason, were firmly in the “Good for cricket” camp. David was copied on a few emails and finally could hold back no longer.

“Is this what you wanted Jase ? Is this really what you wanted ? For England to win ?”

David, not unfairly, remembered Botham calling us convicts and taking the final catch to stop Alan Border once pulling a test out of the fire with Jeff Thompson. I am sure he remembered Chris Tavere as well. Heck, we all remembered Chris.

David wasn’t alone. A minority of Australians definitely didn’t want to lose and wanted no part of the “good for the game” group.

The “good for the gamers”, of which I was a member until the optimistic, heady first hours of the final day, spent the week before the final test telling anyone that would listen that whilst they wanted Australia to win, it didn’t really matter if England won because …

'It would be good for the game”.

Members of this camp usually delivered the speech a little too quickly, like medicine that had to be taken because it was good for you, but which you could never quite understand the need for it to taste so damm bad. They wore a fixed, slightly crazed smile that showed lots of teeth and their eyebrows were sitting noticeable higher on their head than normal. Those smiles had falseness and panic written all over them. If a visitor from a non cricket playing country arrived at the house of someone from this camp, they would have been excused for calling the police to report that David Icke had possessed their friends.

I think most Australians found themselves aligning with The Blamers by the time the test started. The most famous set of Blamers had their own TV show, Under The Grandstand. This is not the easiest television show to explain.

Every Saturday and Sunday night during lunch in the Test, we crossed to the bowels of the grandstand at Waverly Oval. Waverly Oval is the headquarters of one of Sydney’s grade clubs (people who play first grade for these clubs are eligible for selection in the NSW side). This suburban grandstand was well maintained and had 2 large rooms beneath it, one of which had a bar.

Every lunch, these 2 rooms were filled with about 100 fans, a band, host Steve Abbott and co host Indira Naidoo. Somehow, 25 minutes of live, unscripted, uninterrupted television was broadcast. Host Steve had been a qualified umpire and he wore a track suite with “Relax, I’m a qualified cricket umpire”. Throughout the show, he continually broadcast footage of him with various Australian players saying “I’m relaxed”. Stuart McGill was the most adventurous, sitting on a sofa saying, “I’m relaxed” whilst a completely naked Steve Abbott sat next to him with legs open wide at the camera. It was that sort of show.

After weeks of watching our test team crashing to defeat after defeat whist all the while declaring that they were relaxed, I couldn’t help question whether we really prepared as well as we could have. After all, every piece of footage seemed to be from inside a hotel bar. Anyway, I digress.

At lunch on the 4th day, the band struck up a song, the main lyrics of which were

“It’s un-Australian not to blame someone,
It’s un-Australian not to blame someone,
It’s un-Australian not to blame someone,
It’s un-Australian not to blame someone”

At the same time, host Steve ran around the room and asking various audience members who was to blame for our impending doom. There were diverse reactions, from drunken ramblings(yes, it really was that sort of show) to the captaincy to McGrath’s mucking around before the 2nd test to host Steve for “relaxing” the team too much.

“Good to see that the country is trying to cope”, I thought.

The 25 minutes of manic television ended as it always did with co host Indira, tongs in hand, manning the large double BBQ at the back of the grandstand, ably assisted by whomever was the special guest that night while Steve said goodbye and then tried to throw down the stumps that the camera had parked itself behind. Unlike most nights, neither the ball nor the stumps were alight. Like most nights, Steve missed but was at least fully clothed.

I played my first day of cricket after the series loss yesterday. The consensus of the dressing room was that Flintoff seemed likeable but Pieterson was “a wanker”.

We batted first and I opened. I was bowled by the second ball of the match by a kid not much more than half my age. Pitched on leg, cut away and hit the top of off. He ran towards me, fist pumping and mouth curled into a snarl. “Good ball”, I mouthed, doing my best Matty Hayden.

We were bowled out for 110 with the highest partnership being the last.

We bowled and lacked intensity. My keeping started like my batting with one that didn’t carry hitting something and getting past me for one. A full one down leg from our quickest bowler hit a funny spot and reared over my head for 4 byes. The same bowler pushed another one way down leg. I dove but couldn’t get across far enough to stop the wide. It went for 2. The umpire, the same kid that bowled me, signalled byes. I yelled at him, politely enquiring as to the basis for his small error in judgement.

“Swung when it went past the batsman”.

I ended the day with a duck from 2 balls and 7 byes in an hour out of a score of 1/41.

I finally finished my Ashes series, 5 days after they officially ended, with yet another text to Dave. I outlined the day’s misadventures and ended with

“Is this how cricket is going to be now that we don’t have the Ashes ?”.

I didn’t wait for the reply. I took myself of the bed and was still mumbling when I dropped off.

“It’s un-Australian not to blame someone,
It’s un-Australian not to blame someone”

*

How they fared

Increased their reputations

Langer – Got runs and looked comfortable against the best all round attack in a decade. Showed how determined and slightly crazy he was when he declared that he was aiming to return in 2009.

Strauss – Came into the series quite overrated I thought. Looked average at first, with a back foot aiming at cover, waiting for the short ball and without much in between. Came back to score 2 centuries and form a very solid first wicket partnership for England.

Trescothick – I still can’t understand how anyone with feet movement likehis can play test cricket but ….. far outperform his last Test series against Australia. Looked a solid test player and got noticeably less edges, at least early in his innings

Vaughan – Had trouble placing him. Played only one real innings of substance throughout the series but captained far above the level that I thought he would operate at.

Pieterson – I personally thought he would be well and truly found out in the Tests. How wrong I was ! It seems amazing to think now that a few short months ago we were discussing whether he should play or not. Had a form dip in the middle Tests when he forgot to play himself in before unleasing. His 158 saved the final match and won the series for his adopted country. Provided great amusement by dropping 6 out of 6 catches.

Flintoff – Aside from Warne, he was the player of the series. Michael Clarke described him as the best bowler he had ever faced. I thought he would be a bit hitting batsman capable of a 50 here and there and a lug of a bowler who could bowl some short stuff. Wrong. He was a genuine batsman with good technique and the best quick bowler in the series.

Warne – To break your family up before the series started and then take 40 wickets, the first time ever in a 5 test series, as well as playing some innings of substance including a 90 was absolutely incredible. I am sure he was captaining the team at stages. I used to think that he was an idiot who played good cricket. In this series he proved to me that he was truly the greatest spinner that ever played. Without him, we would have lost 4-1.

Giles – Got into the top category as most outside of his team mates rated him very, very lowly indeed. Showed he could take wickets in good company and even scored a few runs here and there.

S Jones – The king of swing. Has made a wonderful recovery from a terrible knee injury. Made Australian batsmen look silly.

Kept their reputations solid

Clarke – Never really hit his straps aside from a 91 that he threw away being impetuous. Looked like he has a test career ahead of him but needs to keep working and perform.

Katich – Really struggled to place Katich. Eventually placed him here as before the series started I felt he needed to prove himself as a test player. Didn’t really do anything to change my mind.

Lee – I always felt that Lee was overrated as a Test bowler and this series didn’t nothing to dissuade me. Was very effective at times and then others was too short or too full. Needs to start performing or will have a shortened, unfulfilled career.

Hoggard – Hoggard showed that he could be a wicket taker when conditions suited him. Pipped Gillespie for the Worst Hair Cut in the Sporting World record.

Harmison – Had a peerless first session of the series and some other good moments. Not a lot of brilliance in between but was usually solid.

McGrath – Took an average of 6 wickets a test in the 3 tests that he played. Showed he still has something to give in the first test. Responsible for the all time most stupid thing ever said by a professional sportsman : "5-0"

Had their reputations diminished

Hayden – Looked totally lost until the final innings of the series. Was never able to cope with the swinging ball and firmly established himself as the king of the flat track bullies.

Ponting – Captaincy really came under the microscope for the first time since taking over and he was unfortunately shown to be well short of the standard that we have come to expect. Played one innings of substance but only one.

Martyn - Got some dodgy decisions but played weakly and softly. Tour summed up when he was “jogged out” by Vaughan, hardly the best fielder in the English team.

Bell – A little harsh probably but came into the series with a great deal of promise. Unfortunately left it looking like he needed some time against a county attack.

Gilchrist – Batted like he was playing one day cricket against Zimbabwe. Needs to remember how he used to get Test runs, by building an innings and then exploding once he had runs on the board. Keeping was brilliant at times and well below Test standard others.

G Jones – Can Test keeping droop any lower ? Honestly, his keeping was just woeful and his batting not deserving of a place in the side on its own. Made Gilchrist often look like a great Test keeper, which usually takes some doing and speaks volumes.

Tait – came into his first test with a reputation for extreme pace and wicket taking balls. After his second test, I found myself agreeing with an English assessment of “Pie Chucker”. Needs to bowl less tripe which will be a struggle with his action.

Gillespie – Was treated with absolute disdain by the English batsmen. His career in finished unless something very big changes. Lets start with that haircut hey Dizz ?

Kasper – Never looked like a serious test bowler in this series. His may have played his last Test. Kasper, why didn’t you duck that bouncer in the second game ?!

The Ashes


After 18 years the Ashes have come home.

Well done England, it was deserved.

Hats off to Vaughan and Fletcher. Lets not forget Hussain, he was there at the start when we started to turn things round.

I'm a bit too tired/pissed/emotional to write anymore. In the cold light of Tuesday I'll take time to reflect on what has been the greatest test series I've ever seen.

Dave.

Sorry Folks,

But after the way we batted in the first innings I am praying for rain today.

Australia look well set for a big score and then they'll be opening the bowling with Warney.

Let it rain.............

Here we Go........

I've avoided the hype in the build up to this test.

I'm tipping Collingwood to play.

I don't think McGrath will be fully fit.

I really regret that the ECB have already organised an open top bus tour to celebrate next Tuesday.

We've managed to persuade HR to let us watch the TV at work as long as we raise some cash for a local school at the same time.

Bring it on..........

To be Australian.. Stewart Robertson


Greatness on the wane or greatness on the rise or greatness never really there ?

1. You are killing us

Cricket is a wonderful, wonderful game. I cannot remember a time in my life when I have not been obsessed with it. Literally from the first memory I have, I remember loving cricket and desperately wanting to play it. I still can’t really put my finger on why. Sure, maybe it was the lure of large moustachioed, beer drinking men being feted as athletes and national heroes (doubtful as I loved it before I was 2). Perhaps it was any young child’s natural interest in a moving ball and the skill it required to master (again doubtful, that makes me sound like a cat). Instead, I think that I just inherently understood that cricket, more than almost any other sport, shows a man’s character, what he is made of in the toughest of circumstances.

Cricket is a true endurance sport. Doubters, hear me out. Aside from ultra marathons and multi-stage cycling racers, there is no sport than goes longer than Test cricket. I would go a step further. A 5 test series with a maximum of 25 days play for the series has even the tour de France beaten. Now add in all of the lead up matches, silly ones dayers and tour games with provincial sides. Finally, add all of the days in between, throw in training, and you soon have a campaign (and it surely is a campaign) that can last up to 80 days on an Ashes series in England.

A campaign of what ? Well, certainly of the body. People used to 90 minute games such as football that involve running flat out for most of the time would dispute that of course as would rugby union or rugby league players. Lance Armstrong might have a little to say also. However, I challenge anyone to bowl 30 overs in each innings of a test and tell me they still feel fine. Try batting for 6 hours. Heck, try batting for 3 hours in 30C heat. And, no one can tell me that wicket keeping for 3 days and batting for over a day in the same match (as Gilchrist often did before this series) wouldn’t leave most people unable to walk for a week. No, playing in a single test match requires a very fit, strong person. Remaining at that level for our 80 day campaign requires fitness, luck and a really good physio.

What about the mind ? Well, the old adage of cricket being played 90% in the mind is still true in this day of blue hair streaks, earrings in both ears and random, drunken text messaging. No matter how hard you have trained or how many times you have rehearsed in your dreams, nothing is harder than having to go out and do it. So many times you see the young man, new to the team without yet having a mental log book of failures and climbs back to the top, playing fluently and easily whilst the old campaigner, nearing the end of a career to be proud of, worries about where his next run or wicket is going to come from.

Why ? Not because the young player is better. In fact, usually the older player is better practised and has been through any situation that might occur many times. Surely they are playing softer against the young man ? No, the young man’s mind is free and he spends time playing the moment only; the older player is often playing the past and the future.

Think also of a batsman out of form. So often, they just need one good shot, one ball right out of the middle and everything changes. Suddenly the feet move, the head position is right and the runs, previously impossible, start coming in thick, fast torrents. Did the batsman get better in a
single ball ? Of course not. This is an incredibly mental game.

However, ….

When the body is tired and the mind full of fears and worry, the only thing that is left is the soul. At the end of an 80 day campaign like this, a man’s character, his real character, the man he is late at night when he can’t sleep and the whole façade has slipped quietly away, shows, in fact shines, through. What is revealed is not always pretty. Hurl in an expected turn of events, slap on some pressure and add a dollop of intense scrutiny and the angel can become the devil in a twinkling of Geoffrey Boycott’s eye.

We Australians, if you haven’t already noticed, pride ourselves on our physicality. We see ourselves as coming from tough, farming stock that made good in a land that simply wasn’t, and still isn’t in some places, fit for the survival of Europeans. But we tamed it through muscle and bone and ever year that we outlast another 4 months of fires threatening our homes or tick off another decade that it hasn’t rained, we tell ourselves that we are strong and just getting stronger.

The mind ? We used to be a little anxious about the mind side. We were so caught up in trying to be physically strong that sometimes we paid little heed to the brain. Yes, Barry McKenzie, Paul Hogan and that guy in shorts that says ‘crickey’ all the time aren’t exactly great role models. But our schools are good, our universities also, and most people are as well educated as any otherwestern country. Combine that with the feeling that we always were smarter than you gave us credit for and we are a group of people that are almost aggressively intelligent; not smarter than all, just as smart but usually more prepared to try to prove it.

Character ? Australians think they have character in spades. We think when it comes to the crunch, when it really, really matters, we will be standing up to be counted when no one else will, whatever the circumstances.

Australian became a nation in 1901. Before that, we were a group of colonies with totally different systems of everything; you even needed to changes trains going over state lines as the railways tracks were different sizes (umm, still do in some places I think). By 1914, we were really still a group of colonies, a nation in name only. We came back from the war a country.

During the war, the ‘legend of the Anzac’ (Australian New Zealand Army Corps) was born. I am a little jaded and cynical about it but long story short is that a group of Australian and New Zealand soldiers were landed on the wrong beach in Turkey named Gallipoli (by an English general we keep reminding anyone that will listen). Huge losses were incurred initially and then the soldiers settled in for a war of attrition that lasted something like 8 months. Against all the odds, they lasted and finally retreated in cunning plan that Baldric from Blackadder would have been proud of. When questioned, they did it because they had to and they did it for each other.

The story of the Australian underdog prevailing in even the most dire circumstances was created in the war; the underdog that came good, that toughed it out, that did it for their mates. Remember, Gallipoli was not a famous victory. It was a debacle from start to finish and we were decimated. Yet we celebrate it over all other achievements, more than famous war battles that we prevailed in (we were in Boer, WW1, WW2, Korea, Vietnam to name a few). Gallipoli is literally scared ground and each Australian feels that they must make a journey to Gallipoli once before they die (ask any that you know, they have been, are planning a trip or want to go desperately). It is celebrated because men showed character there because they had it and they were forced to, nothing more.

This concept pervades Australian society. We have little time for anyone that doesn’t show these characteristics, at work or play. ‘Little Aussie battler’ is a common, if a little old fashioned phrase that is used to praise someone for trying, for toughing it out; we care how hard and for how long a man tries, rather than how much he succeeds. Politicians talk about ‘representing the battlers’ all the time; it is a sure winner in an election year. Our current right wing, conservative Prime Minister has some how managed to convince the voters that he is ‘in it for the battlers’ and we just can’t get rid of him as a result. Well healed middle class people pretend themselves ‘battlers’ to their less well off friends as one does not want to succeed, just to succeed in trying to succeed.

So, wonder why we are a nation that adores cricket ? Wonder why I loved it so much from such a young age ? Wonder why I said very early in this series that Steve Waugh was more than just a good cricketer to us, he WAS us ? Because cricket allows us to compete in a sport that tests the very things were feel define us.

When Steve played well felt we, not just ourselves but the entire nation and even the entire concept of our nation and our society, were going well.

Consequently, we place our cricketers on a pedestal. They play for us, our nation and our way of life. We expect them to define our values in a way that is probably a little unfair.

This is why I, like so many of my countrymen, am so, so disappointed with Australia’s display in this series. That is also why you will still find many Australians saying only how bad we played rather than how well England have performed. We have failed to show character and failed to come good when the chips were down. We can’t believe it, we can’t understand it. They must be cheating; we just must be playing badly.

We may not take this series loss well you know (at the very least, it will be a drawn series in which everyone knows you have outplayed us). I just ask you to cut us a little slack. By all means celebrate, by all means rub it in (you have waited a long time and we would do the same to you). Just when we are a bit sullen and cranky and say silly things, just remember why. We don’t really mean it and we do all know you deserve to win. You have, after all, destroyed our entire self image.

Note, I expect this information to make you happy rather than upset for us. Many of my countrymen have gloated over our cricket team for a long time and probably deserve what is coming.

2. Ricky Ponting and his foul, foul potty mouth.

Ricky has made the ultimate error in the Australian public’s eyes : he whinged. Yes, gets back to character again. Someone with a steely Australian character is never meant to whinge or complain. They are meant to get straight back on the horse and carry on trying to break it (is it a wonder why Australia youth suicide is so high, especially in country areas ?).

I hate to keep congratulating myself but remember when we talked about the difference between being a good technician, a good manager and a good leader ? Gee Wizz, if Ricky hasn’t just gone and proved me right again.

A good technician does his job well but doesn’t really hide or changes his emotions. No need on the shop floor. A manager does a little but not too much. It doesn’t matter so much if the team think you are disengaged as long as you keep feeding them the work in an orderly fashion, the technicians will keep enjoying doing the technical work.

A leader does not have this luxury. A leader leads. A leader sets an example and helps others reach that example. Simple concept, really hard to do. A leader must never totally lose his head and act irrationally and immaturely.

Ricky acted like a good, young technician; too young to understand why acting like that it has a negative effect on others and too arrogant about his technical ability to care. You would never have seen Mark Taylor swearing at Duncan Fletcher, let alone in front of a crowd of men, women and children of all ages. A lip reader at work told me that the ‘C’ word got a liberal run in the tirade. Charming. Nasser Hussein lead a team to Australian in 2002/2003 that spent all but the last 6 days of the series being hammered like a school boy team. Every evening Nasser arrived at the press conference and spent the entire time being run down, made fun of and denigrated. I was never a huge fan of the Nass but he sure showed character (I never forgave him for making 200 in the first test at Edgbaston in 1997 and helping England win a test that I sat in the stands for every ball of, alone and taking a battering from 20,000 English fans the entire time. The grandfather that keep elbowing me hard every time England did something good on the final day was almost more than I could bear).

If there was any better example of why Ricky is not captaincy material than I can’t find it. I said that an 80 day campaign could wear you down and expose your true character. I have seen into Ricky’s secret self and I don’t like what I saw. Perhaps if he ran the single hard (where is the good technician side when we need him) there would have been no need for public tantrums. This was of course bad but it continues. Each day since, Ricky keeps telling people how he doesn’t like England using a great fielder as a sub rather than the 12th man (who is the 12th man by the way, I honestly don’t know). Who cares ? Why is Ricky so caught up with minor things, we have a series to win ? A leader would help him understand the need to concentrate on the big picture.

I actually agree with Ricky. I think it is stretching the rule too far. If you have used the 12th man and someone else is legitimately injured then by all means use a sub from a county side. But use the 12th man first or pick ‘the best fielder in England’, Trevor ‘old man’ Penny, as the 12th man. We used to do this in the 80s and 90s as lots of other teams did (think Mike Veletta for Australia and Gus Logie and Roger Harper for the Windies).

But Ricky, Ricky we are in no position to complain about stretching the rules. Remember a few years ago when Mark Taylor was captain and it was unofficial Australian policy to start saying “Chooo Chooo” when the bowler turned at his mark, every time Chris Cairns was on strike. Remember how they slips cordon and gully and point all keep whispering “Choo Choo, chug a lugga chug a lugga choo choo” louder and louder until the bowler delivered the ball. Remember how you did that because Steve Waugh had the bright idea that just because Chris Cairns’s sister died in a train accident 12 months before, the NZ danger man might be a little put off Remember how Chris kept pulling away from the wicket in tears ? Remember how he didn’t play Test cricket for a year after that ? Remember how he was so disgusted that he broke the golden rule of ‘what happens on the field stays on the field’ and talked.

Where were you fielding that day Ricky ? Was that pushing the rules a little too far ? Probably. Probably makes the dodgy use of substitute fielders make a little tame by comparison.

Yep, the wheels of the bus were going round and round, round and round, round and round, the wheels on the bus were going round and round all day long. But they have now well and truly come off and the bus seems all but stationary to me; except for a barely visible, but increasing obviously slide down the hill.

3. The game itself

Its all been said really.

Great century from Flintoff, great bowling from S Jones and wonderful heart shown from Warne in bowling as well as with the bat. Hoggard bowled well for the first time in the series also (I bag Trescothick and he gets runs, I outline Strauss’s flaws and he gets 100, I say Hoggard is weak and he gets wickets. Perhaps I am to blame).

One small, interesting thing to note. England has killed Australia for the last 3 tests but has really struggled to finish each of them off. They really should have lost the second test in the end(after outplaying us the whole way), they drew the third test but should have won and should have easily won the 4th but almost lost. For England to have a long run at the top, they need to learn the final piece, the killer instinct, the winner’s touch. If they win the Ashes after this series, I can’t see how they won’t have it.

4. Possible changes.

4.1. Australia

Hayden must go. Still looks awful. I am not sure we will do it though. I would love to see Martyn go also. We shouldn’t remove too many before the last test so I doubt this will happen.

I am also not convinced that Lee and Tait in the same team are ideal. We leak too many runs. Kasper has not done much so I wouldn’t have him in either. McGrath also looks to be about to return. We have heard some talk about Australia playing 5 bowlers and needing an all rounder. How the worm turns. This sort of copying used to be beyond us. No more seemingly. We don’t need to include Watson simply because England have Flintoff (Watson neither bats nor bowls well enough to hold a place in the team for either discipline alone, a key all rounder ingrediant) and we don’t need 5 bowlers just because England have them. Lets go with our tried and tested formula of 6 batsmen, Gilchrist and 4 bowlers but lets just have the most effective
combination on the park.

So, bold move time. Drop Hayden and bring in Mike Hussey. He should have been in the squad anyway, crazy move not to include him, foreshadowed a raft of crazy decisions. Also sets up Australia to bring in the other Hussey brother and have brothers in the team again. We are always best when we have brothers in the test line up. From the golden Benaud days, to the tri-Chappell reign, to the recent Waugh twins, we are always at our best when brothers are there (brothers with 70s handle bar moustaches would see us rule the cricketing world again).

Drop Kasper for the returning McGrath and …….. drop Tait for McGill. England play our quicks easily but don’t play Warne well and I suspect McGill would get wickets as well. It’s a gamble because he can really go for some runs but he turns it more than Warnie and has more variations than Warnie these days. Lets stack all the chips on Red, a bold move for an extraordinary end to an extraordinary series (and because I want Dave to have an excuse to tell everyone about the day McGill drove the team bus, when it still had the wheels on it).

4.2. England

Surely you will sack G Jones now. Surely ? Dave tells me no but I suspect he says that to wind me up ! He misses a least 2 chances a test, chances that are either school boy misses or chances that must be taken at this level (the stumping miss of Clarke off Giles was really an incredible one for a test keeper). I know he scored 85 this test but surely you understand his keeping is going to lose you a game at some stage this series (probably already made you draw the 3rd test).

Looks like S Jones will be out with an ankle injury for the last test. A real shame as he has been on fire this series, especially the last two tests. He deserved to play in the test and give himself a chance of being on the field if the Ashes are reclaimed.

It is a tribute to England this series that I couldn’t even tell you who the England 12th man is or who might play if S Jones doesn’t. Can someone help me ?

5. Player run downs.

I think I will skip this section in this report. Instead, I will store it up and use it for my “Who has enhanced their reputation, done nothing to their reputation and ruined their reputation” section after the final test of the series.

6. Greatness

This is a GREAT Australian team full of GREAT players doing GREAT things.

Or is it ?

I think when the word ‘great’ is used in relation to cricketers, we really mean ‘full of character’ and when Australians use it about Australian cricketers, we really mean ‘full of Australian character, fighting like a little Aussie battler Anzac’. Don’t make me run you through the national subconscious again please.

I put it to you that this Australian team does have great players. Players that would stack up against any that ever played the game in terms of physical deeds and mental ability, players that stood up when their team mates needed them to save the day.

Yes, this Australian side has great players. They are either 35 or 36, they are both bowlers and they are both about to retire.

Warne and McGrath are greats. The rest are either very good players or quite good players playing in a weak era.

Greatness is Allan Border saving a test against a top class Windies bowling attack in the Windies in 1984 with 98 not out and 100 not out.

Greatness is Steve Waugh scoring 200 against the Windies in the Windies to take the series and the mantle of number 1 test team in1995.

Greatness is Dean Jones scoring 210 in the tied 1986 test in Madras, toughing out on field temperatures of over 50C (really), with cramps, whilst vomiting and having toilet stops in his trousers and then being shipped to hospital half dead after having lost 8 kilos in a day

Greatness is NOT 380 against Zimbabwe

Greatness is NOT taking 3/30 in a meaningless one day match somewhere that no one can remember.

Greatness is NOT scoring a century on home soil against New Zealand

Greatness is rising up and dragging your team to victory in the final test of a hard fought series where you have been outplayed, when the wheels are off, the captain is foaming at the mouth and with all seemingly lost. Greatness is doing that because you can and because you have people counting on you; because you have to. Greatness is doing it now, not having done it then. Greatness is earned and re-earned, not remembered and hoped for.

This final test will make reputations that will never fade. Legends will be born or shattered.

Cometh the hour, cometh the man. The hour is upon us, the end is nigh. This series is worthy of the grandest finale imaginable; it is truly, truly great.

Let's see who in this Australian team is truly great also.





Let the rain hold off !

The wheels are finally off


Ricky Ponting planning the expletive ladden word waterfall that he will unleash when introducing the team to the queen.

There is losing and then there is losing without dignity. Ponting swearing at umpire and crowd (well assited by Katich yelling at, well, everyone) was a low point, not only of this series but of Australian cricket. These were symptoms of a team in crisis. Australia have been completely outplayed, out thought and out coached in this series. Changes must be made otherwise England will hoist (if you can described the raising of a tiny replica urn with 2 fingers as hoisting) the urn at the end of the 5th test (a prospect that I am sure is quite palatable to many readers).


'One beer' Giles let's his celebrations get a little out of hand after guiding his team to victory

This was Flintoff's test. It is now Flintoff's series. In desparation we are trying to have him jailed for ball tampering.

Well done to England. Another great display (except G Jones who shall receive another Ponting like spray in my match report for his keeping). Well done also to Dave for making it to Trent Bridge even though on holidays.


Dave Thompson captured in disguise at the 4th Test

A few final pictures before I hide under the bed, think of 1989 and Terry Alderman and let most of you celebrate.


Kevin Pieterson reminding Australian selectors that he is spoken for. Pity, his beer holding technique is good


Langer contemplates life on the road without Hayden and his cook book

Speaking of the out of sorts Matty, a wonderfully ironic title introduces Hayden here


Matty's book outlines his plan for life after cricket as a short order cook with a smile.

What happened ?!

For the first time this series, I saw not a ball bowled last night. I was out at a work dinner and missed everything. It looks to me from the score that it was a case of honours even. What does everyone think ? Come on, put a comment on this post and let me know (even if you have never done so before !). Also, add a comment and let me know what you thought of Tait.

Here is an overview that helped me understand the day. More no balls and dropped catches I see. Geoffry Boycott is starting to make a little more sense in his old age (Note how we cunningly made up a new title for the article though) . Even the normally up beat Jim Maxwell (australian radio commentator on the tour and broadcasting with the BBC) seems a little downcast.

Australia's bowling worries me a little. Warne has a bad back, McGrath a bad ankle and elbow and Gillespie was too bad to continue. In a wonderful piece of wordsmithery, Jason blames his form on a temporary loss of his Mojo (yes serioulsy, the same Mojo that Austin Powers lost). I can't help feeling like I am watching a b grade soap opera play out here.

I said the white flag was up when Katich bowled. It is being waved around wildly when Ponting bowls.

More cricket tomorrow.